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unkemptmind:

zvyozdochka:

unkemptmind:

zvyozdochka:

I haven’t had sex in 4 weeks

This comment goes. Lol, no idea what this means. But fuck it, right? No? Ok. More cigs plz. But for real, this girl is awesome, so jealous of her multiple men that she’s with. I’d probably like, quit my job tbh

What

Lol. Win. This girl is the best, I’d blow all of my little cash fund to see her, but. Fuck life

(via j6)

August 27th, 2014 // 721 notes

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via dissapolnted)

(Source: feellng, via feellng)

August 27th, 2014 // 51,711 notes
August 27th, 2014 // 20,968 notes

flowury:

i want to sit on a kitchen counter in my underwear at 3 am with you and talk about the universe

(Source: flowury, via hotboyproblems)

August 27th, 2014 // 1,083,020 notes

kakuzu:

how many followers do you need before someone orders you a pizza for free

(Source: phiones, via stop)

August 27th, 2014 // 312,592 notes

sharpslut:

i wish people had crushes on me 

(Source: 13hr, via asian)

August 27th, 2014 // 586,620 notes
diamondsonmygrill:

me leaving school on fridays

fuks:

thinking about space fucks me up 

(via encourage)

August 27th, 2014 // 204,038 notes

clannyphantom:

you’re all a lot hotter than you think

(via trait)

August 27th, 2014 // 422,883 notes

seriousjones:

when someone at my 4th of july barbeque tries to stop me from fitting another firecracker into my ass

image

(via j6)

August 27th, 2014 // 120,015 notes
fishingboatproceeds:

Mario Balotelli is an Italian footballer who may soon become a Liverpool player. He has long been one of my favorite players, and I can’t help but think that the way his reputation in Europe is shaped by race. (Balotelli has been the victim of horrific racist chants throughout his career, but I also think institutional racism shapes media coverage and popular opinion, as pointed out here and elsewhere.)
Balotelli is certainly an unusual footballer: Once, while signing an autograph for a child, Balotelli learned the kid was being bullied, and then drove across town to confront the bully and discuss the matter with the school principal. And he is famed for his generosity, although this is often portrayed popularly as an inability to handle his money well.
He also has a reputation for volatility and immaturity, and is often criticized for getting in fights with teammates. He once threw a dart at a younger player. You hear a lot that Balotelli is crazy and/or lazy. You hear that he stays out late.
Now, I think some of Balotelli’s professional behavior has been poor, and I’m not here to defend it. But look at the way we treat white players:
Liverpool’s Robbie Fowler once PRETENDED TO SNORT THE WHITE POWDER OF THE TOUCH LINE after scoring a goal, in reference to his cocaine use.
Craig Bellamy drunkenly beat a teammate with a golf club. 
Peter Beagrie once drunkenly stole someone’s motorbike and drove it through a hotel’s plate glass window. 
Point being, in all the cases above (and many, many, many more) the offenses were seen as youthful indiscretions, or as hilarious examples of Boys being Boys.
Fowler is now a coach; Beagrie is now a well-respected commentator; and Bellamy is still playing. You rarely hear about his on- and off-field indiscretions, even though they’re probably more numerous than Balotelli’s. Meanwhile, Balotelli makes the news (and gets fined $200,000) for eating curry.
Those of you who follow football will begin to hear a lot about Balotelli if he returns to play in England. You will hear about how he cried after being substituted (although you might not hear that he cried because he had to sit on the bench while racist chants rang through the stadium). You will hear about how he is “wild” and “unpredictable” and “lazy.” 
But watch him play. Watch how good and smart and creative he can be, how he can find paths to goal that make people call him lazy (they called Messi lazy, too, remember) when really he is just waiting, like the chess master who sees four moves ahead. Watch him off the ball, moving to reshape the opposition’s defense.
And then watch him score, turn around unsmiling, and lift his shirt to ask the immense and complicated question.

nuntendo:

image

yet another over-sexualised halloween costume

(via braydaaan)

August 27th, 2014 // 118,703 notes